Explain your rules and decisions

Be clear about what you expect

• Explain specifics
• Set them up to succeed

Reasoning with your child

• Explain the reason behind the rule
• When explaining rules to your children your explanations must be...
• Under 6 years old: reasonable and truthful
• 6-11: reasonable and logical
• 11+: reasonable, logical, and consistent with other things you have said or don't

“Your child should respect you because you are the parent, but obey you because you are correct.”
Hear your child’s point of view: even if you don't agree with it
Admit your mistakes: this will allow your children to feel comfortable to come to you with their mistakes.

Be consistent

Be consistent from day to day
Significance of routines- makes things consistent and lessens need to parent on little things

• Regulate internal clock by making children get up at the same time in the morning
• Routines help the family function effectively

Importance of a united front: Support each other in the decision that is made- “parenting is no competition”
Be consistent without being rigid: Have consistent discipline that fits the situation
Identify your nonnegotiables

• Should be a short list
• Be flexible on non-important matters and don’t bend on significant ones

Establishing rules and setting limits

All children need rules and limits

• “The most important thing that children need from their parents is love, but a close second is structure.”
• Have expectations for proper behavior and limits on freedom
• Helps children manage their own behavior

Be firm but fair: “When you know you are right, be firm.”

Importance of monitoring

• Should always be able to answer these questions...
1. Where is my child?
2. Who is with my child?
3. What is my child doing?
• Know plans before they leave and report on what actually happened
• Don’t spy on them- unless you feel they are in danger

Handling conflicts over rules

• Look at changing the rule if it doesn’t fit
• Collaborate: look at revising the rule to accommodate the situation better 

Relaxing limits as child matures: gradually

Preventive Parenting Skills

Preventing Inappropriate Behavior

1. Anticipate trouble: consider ages and personalities of your children and guess their likely responses to various situations
• Help them adjust, explain what is going on, be alert, plan, caution
2. Give gentle reminders: builds trust and self-confidence in children
• Use gerunds: -ing, work good for preschoolers, instant response in the shortest, simplest, gentlest reminder, means right now to children
• Examples: walking (to get them to stop running), talking (to get them to stop being loud), or playing nicely (to get them to stop fighting)
• Nonverbal: nodding, catching your child’s eye, smiling as you shake your head, touching gently on the shoulder or arm
3. Inject humor: can offset anxiety and increase child’s cooperation
• Have to have a cheerful attitude, avoid sarcasm, laugh at yourself, taking ownership of your imperfect behavior and allows children to do the same
4. Offer choices: gives them opportunity to be in control of a portion of their lives, can lead to greater cooperation when you can’t give them choices. Also teaches them to make decisions.
• Make sure the choices are all acceptable to you, can’t be threats, can’t be arbitrary statements
• Start training your children for decision making by offering daily task choices
• Give 3 options: don’t rush them, praise them for the choice they made, use the words "choose" and "decide" so children know they are involved in the process 
• Give reason for not offering any choices

Romans 4 & 5

Romans 4:13- If we have faith, regardless if we have been given the law, we will be blessed because of our faithfulness.

“Abraham believed God, and it was counted unto him for righteousness… And he received the sign of circumcision, a seal of the righteousness of the faith which he had yet being uncircumcised: that he might be the father of all them that believe, though they be not circumcised; that righteousness might be imputed unto them also: And the father…to them… who also walk in the steps of that faith… For the promise, that he should be the heir of the world, was not… through the law, but through the righteousness of faith. For if they which are of the law be heirs, faith is made void, and the promise made of none effect: Because the law worketh wrath: for where no law is, there is no transgression. Therefore it is of faith, that it might be by grace; to the end the promise might be sure to all the seed.”
I really found this entire chapter very interesting to me. From these excerpts I came to realize that faith is rewarded whether or not we are members of the church. I thought the chapter was interesting as it explained that Abraham received the law because of his faithfulness. It made me ponder if I have because I was given the law, being raised in the gospel, or if I have faith because I truly believe in the Savior? This helped me realize that I will not be saved in the law, but I can be saved through my faith in the Savior. I also think that people who are born on this earth and are never taught the gospel but live faithful to the knowledge they do have will be blessed because of their faithfulness. I am grateful that in the end we will be judged by the perfect judge who will know our circumstances perfectly.

Romans 5:3 – If we glory in tribulation than we can experience the benefits of them, patience, experiences, and hope.

"But, we glory in tribulations also; knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope." 

I love the way that the early apostles viewed there hardships. They had a eternal perspective and understood them for what they really were. I know in my life it can be easy to get caught up in the moment and only think about myself, that is something that I need to work on. I also liked the chain reaction that was explained, tribulations brings patience, patience brings experience, experience brings hope. I thought it was interesting that tribulations overall brings hope. I don't think that the worldly view of tribulation would result in an increase of hope, it will only bring despair and hopelessness. But I know that through our tribulations the Lord wants to enable us with hope, and I know that if we start out with patience that can be the end result, through our reliance on the Savior.

Mindfulness

Favorite quotes from the Prophets about controlling our thoughts:

• “I implore you to think clean thoughts. Every action is preceded by a thought. If we want to control our actions, we must control our thinking.” – President David O. McKay
• "I now turn to mastery of our own private thoughts. In this realm, conscience is the only referee that can blow the whistle when we get out of control. If not bridled, our thoughts can run wild. Our minds are a part of us that really require discipline and control. I believe reading the scriptures is the best washing machine for unclean or uncontrolled thoughts. For those who are eligible and worthy, the sanctity of the holy temple can lift our thoughts above the earthy." – President James E. Faust
• "Don't be gloomy. Do not dwell on unkind things. Stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight. Even if you are not happy, put a smile on your face. Accentuate the positive and look a little deeper for the good. Go forward in life with a twinkle in your eye and a smile on your face, and with great and strong purpose in your heart." –President Gordon B. Hinckley
• “We sow our thoughts, and we reap our actions; we sow our actions, and we reap our habits; we sow our habits, and we reap our characters; we sow our characters, and we reap our destiny” - Charles A. Hall

This week we learned about mindfulness. “Mindfulness is about being fully aware of whatever is happening in the present moment, without filters or the lens of judgment.” Here are the different techniques we learned about:

• Mindful breathing: This will support you in bringing yourself back to the present moment with greater awareness, compassion, and peace. Simply focus attention solely upon the breath. Don’t try to control it; just breathe normally and naturally, feeling it in the nose, belly, or wherever you feel it most prominently, being mindful of the breath rising as you inhale and falling as you exhale.
• Walking meditation: This involves noticing the movement of each foot as you lift it, move it forward, and place it back down with each step. Slow the process down and use the movement to develop a careful awareness of your body.
• STOP: 
• Stop 
• Take a breath 
• Observe 
• Proceed
• Bringing the 8 attitudes of mindfulness into your life:
• Beginner’s mind: sees things as new and fresh, as if for the first time, with a sense of curiosity.
• Nonjudgment: involves cultivating impartial observation in regard to any experience—not labeling thoughts, feelings, or sensations as good or bad, right or wrong, fair or unfair, but simply taking note of thoughts, feelings, or sensations in each moment.
• Acknowledgment: validates and acknowledges things as they are.
• Nonstriving: not trying to get anywhere other than where you are.
• Equanimity: a deep understanding of the nature of change and allows you to be with change with greater insight and compassion.
• Letting be: imply let things be as they are, with no need to try to let go of whatever is present.
• Self-reliance: helps you see what is true or untrue
• Self-compassion: love yourself as you are, without self-blame or critcism
• Weaving mindfulness throughout your day: By choosing to become mindful throughout the day, you can bring greater focus and appreciation to whatever situation you find yourself in. You’ll also feel more calm and at peace.
• Mindful eating: Simply give the experience of eating your full, undivided attention and intentionally slow the process down. Try to be like a scientific researcher, observing the mind and body with curiosity and objectivity, and without judgment.

Temperament and Attachment

Temperament
Each child comes to earth with an inborn temperament that influences how they respond to everything they encounter. This is a list of the different traits of each child’s temperament.

• Activity level: how active the child is
• Distractibility: the degree to which other things distract from the task at hand
• Sensitivity: the energy of response to stimuli 
• Rhythmicity: how regular their hunger, excretion, sleep, and wakefulness
• Sensory Threshold: intensity of stimulation required to evoke a response
• Approach/Withdrawal: response to a new object, situation, or person
• Adaptability: ease of adaptability to changes in child’s environment
• Persistence: the amount of time devoted to an activity and the effect of distraction on the activity
• Quality of mood: the amount of friendly, pleasant, joyful behavior as contrasted with unpleasant, unfriendly behavior

Types of children grouped by their range on their temperament traits

• Easy- 40% of children fall into this category
• Difficult- 10% of children fall into this category
• Slow to warm up- 15% of children fall into this category
• The other 35% of children's temperament doesn't fit exactly into one of the three categories

Parents need to adjust their parenting to fit their child’s temperament. This means they will have to treat each child differently from the next. To deal with difficult children, it is best to allow them extra time to adjust to change and unfamiliar situations. Also try to create situations that take advantage of your child’s innate strengths and avoid their weaknesses. When children are young they don’t have the ability to use self-control to regulate their temperament.

Attachments

• Secure attachment: Mother is responsive to baby’s needs gives baby faith to rely on her and trust her. Child uses mother as a secure base to explore the world.
• Insecure-avoidant attachment: Child acts independently. The mother didn’t respond to baby’s needs and thus the child learned they could not rely on the mother.
• Insecure-ambivalent attachment: Child is very clingy. The mother inconsistently responded to the baby’s needs. Thus the child is confused to whether or not they can trust the mother.

Quotes from the Prophets:

• To be a good father and mother requires that the parents defer many of their own needs and desires in favor of the needs of their children. As a consequence of this sacrifice, conscientious parents develop a nobility of character and learn to put into practice the selfless truths taught by the Savior Himself. - President Faust
• In the past, having family prayer once a day may have been all right. But in the future it will not be enough if we are going to save our families. – President Kimball
• And so it is with being parents. The little things are the big things sewn into the family tapestry by a thousand threads of love, faith, discipline, sacrifice, patience, and work. – President Faust

Parenting Styles

Favorite Quotes!

• Some children may be more difficult or easy to raise due, in part, to the inherent personality characteristics that stem from spiritual predispositions. As President Brigham Young noted: “Some spirits are more noble than other; some are capable of receiving more than others. There is the same variety in the spirit world that you behold here, yet they are of the same parentage, of one Father, one God.” – Craig H. Hart, Lloyd D. Newell, and Lisa L. Sine
• A successful parent is one who has loved, one who has sacrifices, and one who has cared for, taught, and ministered to the needs of a child. If you have done all of these and your child is still wayward or troublesome or worldly, it could well be that you are, nevertheless, a successful parent. – President Howard W. Hunter
• Child rearing is so individualistic. Every child is different and unique. What works for one may not work with another. – President James E. Faust
• I believe that I am a child of God endowed with a divine birthright. I believe that there is something of divinity within me and within each of you. I believe that we have a godly inheritance and that it is our responsibility, our obligation, and our opportunity to cultivate and nurture the very best of these qualities within us. – President Gordon B. Hinckley
• Of all the joys in life, none other equals that of happy parenthood. Of all the responsibilities with which we struggle, none other is so serious. To rear children in an atmosphere of love, security, and faith is the most rewarding of all challenges. The good result from such effort becomes life’s most satisfying compensation. – President Gordon B. Hinckley

Allowing your child Autonomy…

• Pick your battles – if the decision doesn’t really matter, let your child choose
• Pre-approve your child’s choices – limit their alternatives to ones you approve of
• Praise your child’s decisions – this builds their self-assurance
• Help your child think through decisions – help them see why one choice might better than another
• Let your child learn from their mistakes – they’ll learn to live with the consequences of their decisions

Mothers

Ten Ways to Spend time with your Children – President Benson

1. Be at the Crossroads
2. Be a Real Friend
3. Read to Your Children
4. Pray with Your Children
5. Have Weekly Home Evenings
6. Be Together at Mealtimes
7. Read Scriptures Daily
8. Do Things as a Family
9. Teach Your Children
10. Truly Love Your Children

Motherhood:

• “Motherhood is near to divinity. It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind” the First Presidency
• “First of all, as I mentioned before, she is a co-partner with God in bringing his spirit children into the world. What a glorious concept! No greater honor could be given.” President N. Eldon Tanner
• “A mother has far greater influence on her children than anyone else, and she must realize that every word she speaks, every act, every response, her attitude, even her appearance and manner of dress affect the lives of her children and the whole family. It is while the child is in the home that he gains from his mother the attitudes, hopes, and beliefs that will determine the kind of life he will live, and the contribution he will make to society.” President N. Eldon Tanner

Our Family Mission Statement

Nielson

Our Eternal Family

- We are striving to develop a Celestial Marriage and become an Eternal Family -

Things we do:

-          Pray daily

-          Read Scriptures daily

-          Family Home Evening weekly

-          Attend the Temple weekly

-          Family Councils weekly

-          Have meals together daily

Things we say:

-          I love you

-          I’m sorry

-          I forgive you

-          Thank you

-          Please

Traits to develop:

-          Charity

-          Patience

-          Gratitude

-          Work Hard

-          Optimistic

Blake, Brooke, & Alice

1 Corinthians 12 & 16 Principles

1 Corinthians 12:4-11 – If the Spirit gives different gifts to members of the church, then it is to benefit all members.

In these verses, Paul is talking about the different gifts the Spirit gives to different people. In the chapter, Paul makes an analogy about members of the church being different parts of a body. Each body part is different, but all are needed for the body to function. Each member of the church is blessed with different talents, gifts, abilities, and strengths. Because we all are different, we can contribute to the church in a unique way. This allows for the church to function and grow. If we were all the same, there would be callings that wouldn’t be adequately fulfilled. I am grateful for the unique gifts the Lord has blessed me with so that I can bless those around me.

1 Corinthians 16:14 - If we are going to do things the Lord's way, than we need to do all things with Charity. 

The Lord is a perfect example of how we should do things, and if we truly want to be like Him and do things the way that He would have us to do them then we need to treat others with Love and Charity, to see people how He sees them. I think that seeing others as the Savior does, and treating them as He does causes us to elevate others to a whole new level. I heard a quote once that said, the Lord seeks to elevate those around him to his level, do we do the same? I think sometimes pride gets in the way of us treating others the way that we should. We can develop a mindset of, if that person succeeds, than I fail. However, that is not true, and that is not the way the Savior treated others. He treated all with charity.

Parenting Principles

Here are the patterns and principles on parenting and on the family I learned:

• Family comes first
• The temple is the ultimate goal
• Receive personal revelation
• Have a spiritual foundation and a unity of goals in a marriage
• Unselfish companionship means to put others needs before your own
• Cling to your spouse
• Don’t live in fear, have faith 
• Have family scripture study, prayer, and family home evening
• Fathers preside, provide, protect and mothers nurture, but they are equal partners and help each other
• Extended families and ward families help when needed
• Give children individual time based on needs
• Be in the home as much as possible
• Have family meals together where conversation occurs

Favorite quotes of the week:

• Sister Beck: “I think that this is a matter of faith. We don’t have children because we have money, because we have means. We have children with faith.”
• Sister Tanner: “I believe that being a mother and father is an eternal role, an eternal calling, if you will, and that with that calling, as with any calling, we are blessed with a mantel. We need that mantel, and we need that spirit with us as we rear our children. In fact, I think like Elisha, we need a double portion of that spirit as we rear our children. I believe that we’re blessed with that. These are Heavenly Father’s children, not just ours. They are His spirit children, and He will bless us with a double portion of that spirit”
• Sister Tanner: “Home is not just a place; it’s a feeling, and it’s a spirit.”
• Elder Holland: “If we can cling to the doctrine, we’ll get through, we’ll have answers to our prayers, and we’ll stay founded on true principles.”